not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
