just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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