Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize