Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
third nipple confirmed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
