im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
