we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
