Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
