chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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