new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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