It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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