If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
