He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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