evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
