Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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