Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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