cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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