you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
