You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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