I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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