his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
