Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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