glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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