You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
