I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
