Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
