I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
