Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize