so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
