If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize