but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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