Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
