my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
false alarm. still invincible.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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