just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
