The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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