Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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