yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
