So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He felt like a one man threesome
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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