I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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