The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
