Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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