i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize