my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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