that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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