My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
