Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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