i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
