lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
