I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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