Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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