Your dad touched me again.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
