YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Less talking, more tequila
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
