people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
