Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
