So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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