Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
