too bad you live with your parents still
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
