Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize