I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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