If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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