Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
