Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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