god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize