K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
