In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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