:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
